So a few years ago I got it into my head that I needed a GPS. I am originally from Long Island, NY, was going to school in New Hampshire, and often went home with my boyfriend on vacations to his house in Massachusetts. Now, those are a lot of states to know your way around.
There was also that time that I brought my Japanese roommate home to Long Island for Thanksgiving. On the way home I had her reading the MapQuest directions while I drove. Not only could she not properly pronounce any of the names of the exits, but she also kept falling asleep. So there I was on I-95 driving with the dome light on and sneaking quick glances at the directions while simultaneously trying to not wreaking havoc on the unsuspecting commuters. It was terrible.
So I found a GPS on eBay and convinced my mom to buy it for me for my birthday (which wasn't for 2 months). Betsy (the GPS) wasn't new, but for the first few weeks everything went pretty well. After a while she started to act a little screwy like taking longer to load, and not talking at all during long trips. Small irritating things like that.
Then one day my roommate Cassie and I decided to find a nail place near our school. It was about 40 minutes away but with Betsy by my side I wasn't worried about it.
That was when Cassie started to get snarky with Betsy. When Betsy would repeat directions such as "Turn left at the next road. Turn left at the next road. Turn left at the next road" Cassie would scream expletives like "SHUT THE FUCK UP BETSY, I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME" and "BETSY YOU'RE A STUPID WHORE" and so on and so forth. This is what I believe, drove my GPS to try to murder us.
Betsy had simply had enough of Cassie's bullshit and wanted to show her who was the fucking boss. So there we were, following Betsy's directions faithfully, fully confident in her ability to find anything. I remember that I first started to suspect something when she directed me off the main road and into a residential area. The more we drove, the further away we got from civilization and the creepier the houses got.
Finally Betsy told us that we were close to the nail salon and we began to look for a sign that the trees were thinning and that civilization was near. While we were desperately looking for this damn nail salon, Cassie saw a creepy ass house that she claimed looked like "A fucking ax murders house".
This was the kind of house you avoid at all costs. If needed to pee like you have never peed before, and your bladder was swollen so much that it is pushing on your other organs and possibly causing cancer and they had a port-o-potty out front, you would cross your legs and drive on. If you were trick or treating in the area and they were offering BMW's you would just deal with the old car your grandma gave you that still smells like cat food. That kind of house.
This was a house that wasn't remarkable in any way except for its creepiness. The paint was peeling, most of the shutters were no longer attached to the house and there was a shed behind and to the right of the house that you just knew they use to cut up wayward travelers to put in pot pies. To make matters worse, across from this scary ass house was a field that was lined with trees. The kind of field that gave you a false sense of security when you are running across it away from the ax murders and you think you can make it but don't ever even reach the tree line. That kind of field.
Now back to Betsy's plan to assassinate me and Cassie; just as we were passing by and remarking on the sinister nature of the house, we hear "you have reached your destination".
And that's how my GPS Betsy tried to kill me and my college roommate. And all because Cassie couldn't keep her fucking comments to herself. :-)
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