This Is Why We Don't Have Nice Things

So I haven't written a post in a few days and I apologize (to the 3 people who read this(not that I'm bitter)). One of my pigs was sick :-( but he's feeling better. I'll post about that another day.

Today I am lamenting me and my roommates' inability to have and keep nice things. It's kind of like we are just dressing up and playing the roles of adults without actually possessing the ability to be that responsible. Here are some examples:

To the left is a picture of a side table that we bought from Ikea (You can see where the pressed wood has expanded and is lifting up out of its rightful place). Some time before the 4th of July, we brought this table outside to be used as a prep counter. When Ryan grills he always needs a lot of tools and when he doesn't have somewhere to put them, he looses it. So to prevent that, we usually transport this side table outside for him to use.

Now, we are no where near responsible enough to take it back inside every time we bring it out. However this time, we left it out there up until 2 days ago. Apparently 3 weeks of constant humidity and scattered thunderstorms ruin tables. Who knew?

We also ruined t he first broom we ever owned in this apartment. It was a really cheap one with a metal handle and sparse plastic bristles but nevertheless, it didn't deserve the ending we gave it. It is now a fire-pit-poker and its sole job is to move logs of wood or charcoal briquettes around the barbecue.

About a week after we moved in, we bought our first guinea pig. One week later we changed our evil ways and instead of purchasing our second pig, we adopted him. We also took on the project of building them a cage. That was a pain in the ass. But brings us to our next example of irresponsibility.

Downstairs we have a really nice sectional couch that we are renting from Rent-A-Center. Instead of cutting the chloroplast (affectionately nicknamed chloro-cunt) on the floor I used the one end of the couch. While in the middle of promising my roommate that I wouldn't cut the couch with the box cutter, I cut the couch with the box cutter. Luckily Rent-A-Center doesn't mind getting a couch back with a 2-inch slit and stuffing popping out. That's what insurance is for!!

Along with those three unfortunate inanimate objects, we have broken 3 glass cups, 2 dustpans, 2 toilet seats, and 1 toaster. We have only lived here for 4 1/2 months. We are in a 15-month lease. By my calculations we will have ruined 36.333333333333 household objects by then.